Tuesday, May 23, 2017

No peace.

I was wrapping up work around five pm and getting ready to go teach a Zumba class (where I wouldn't have gotten my own heart rate up, promise).  And went to the bathroom, and wiped and there was the bright. Red. Blood.

It's about 2 hours later, almost 3.  Still bright red, not hitting a pad, but it's there about half the time when I wipe.

Of course there's nothing to do but to wait. Will it get heavier. Will I need to go in for an earlier ultrasound (nurse wants me to do this of course).   Could be a sub choroionic hematoma. Could be a miscarriage. Only time will tell.

Here I am again.  Trying to accept with my rational mind that high betas are meaningless. A properly implanted intrauterine gestational sac is meaningless. Waves of nausea are meaningless. A pgs tested embryo is meaningless.

I can't have normal. I can't have peace.


  1. Oh man. My heart is so with you. All my hope and love too.

  2. It's so so rough. I had bleeding with a genetic normal donor embryo at 5 and 6 weeks after many miscarriages. It rocked my world. I didn't get out of bed for a week. I am still here, third trimester. Sending my love.

    1. Thank you. It's so hard when you read about how common bleeding is, but think, there's no way I can be one of the ones who comes out the other side. And yet, there you are. So much love to you, thank you.

  3. I had bouts of bleeding at 5, 6 and 7 weeks when I was pregnant with my now 3.5yo. Nothing will calm those fears, I know that, but sometimes it does just happen for no reason