Disconnect

My mechanism of dealing with pregnancy after RPL is what I'll call "actively disconnecting" (I'll have to ask my therapist one of these days if that's a real thing).  It's just two fun steps!

Step 1.  Checking in on your pregnancy every few hours:  This can involve peeing on a stick, or feeling the cramping in your abdomen, noticing your superpower level sense of smell or really feeling your exhaustion.  Vomitting or wretching, if you're really lucky (I don't usually get this lucky until I am about 6 weeks along)

Step 2.  Ignoring the fact that you're pregnant:  You can throw yourself into editing a colleague's memo.  You can stay connected to work on the shared server, even though you've taken a sick day to stay home with your sick kid (poor thing has an ear ache).  You can make comforting, nutritionally pointless meals for her, like grilled cheese sandwiches, while you wait to take her to the doctor.

Sometimes the effort to disconnect is thwarted, like, when your boss asks you to fill out a doodle poll for an upcoming staff meeting in NYC.  Hmmm.... would I be scheduled for a first ultrasound that week in May?  Or, can I attend that overnight conference in early June if I have to self-administer PIO shots?  Cause, I'd really rather not.  But will I even be pregnant?

I hate it when the practicalities of pregnancy, along with the necessary questions about its longevity impede upon my ability to pretend that I'm not pregnant at all.