I've said before that she's pretty. She is, really pretty. Some of her adult pictures had the gloss and sparkle of a beauty pageant contestant. What drew me to her first were her childhood photos - I'll be honest, they resembled me. Big brown eyes, brown hair, smaller lips. One of her baby pictures looked so much like the Nibble it took my breath away.
But what sealed the deal for me was her artistic ability, and a general gut feeling that she wasn't an alien. A skilled violinist, from a musical family. She painted all of the artwork that hangs in her house. She loves reading and going to antique stores. Yes, this is the stuff of internet dating nightmare, and I'm surely not the first person to note the absurdity of reading online profiles. But yeah, when she came on to my clinic's website I had the intense urge to swipe right.
Her willingness to go through the legal hurdles, and frankly, the emotional intelligence of some of the questions she raised with her attorney made me even more convinced that well, as far as choices go, I made the best one for me.
The other day my clinic's coordinator messaged me: Your donor was so touched by the card you wrote her... would you allow her to know whether her eggs result in a pregnancy? This isn't something we ordinarily do with anonymous donors, and it is up to you.
I didn't hesitate. Yes, you may let her know if her eggs result in a pregnancy for me.
I spent a good eight hours a couple of weeks ago absolutely panicked that my donor would change her mind in the future about being open to contact from her genetic offspring. Well, I think I'm over that fear. I feel deep in my gut that whatever the future holds, we've got the foundation for something. I don't know what to call it. Trust, maybe?
Viking and I had a long talk last night. He admitted never really getting why I thought I had to click with an online donor profile. And honestly, plenty of people do anonymous donor egg ivf where the clinic's doctor chooses their donor, so it's not that farfetched for him to feel this way.
I am sickeningly aware that this woman's eggs may never result in a living baby that could ever reach out to her. It's a cold stark reality for me. But however this crazy train rolls along, I feel very very calm right now. In this, at least, we made the right choice.
As far as I know, as of tonight, all eight of our fertilized balls of cells have made it to day 3.