Earlier today I'm sitting at a table eating lunch with my work friend L, and another colleague, T, walks over to us to say hi. Just then, the cleaning lady at our office comes out of the bathroom, and has the following crazy-sauce exchange with T:
CL: Congratulations, when are you due?
T: (looking down at her protruding belly) Um, I'm not pregnant. I'm just eating a lot of food lately.
CL: Oh, Okay... (long pause)... but really, you can be honest.
T: No, REALLY, I'm not pregnant. I just get a large stomach when I eat a lot.... I'M NOT PREGNANT.
L and I are watching this thirty-second exchange with our jaws dropping to the ground. We are stunned and only too late do we make feeble attempts to jump into the fray to help T.
"Yeah, everyone gains weight differently right? Me, I get the jiggly arms and my thighs don't fit into my pants," I say, a little too wide-eyed and eagerly.
"I gain weight here," my friend says, flourishing her hands from her shoulders down her torso.
The cleaning lady walks away, and I look down at my yogurt. And grab a peek at my still relatively flat stomach. Any week now, I could well be the focus of a conversation of such fuckery.
The crazy of my office is a top to bottom experience. My toxic boss recently stated to a lucky few of us in a meeting that we needed to make sure we didn't hire any "breeders" for an upcoming campaign we're staffing. Yes, you read that right. Breeders go on maternity leave and we've had a recent flux of staff turnover when people don't ever return to work from their leave. I wonder why?
Of course, she also noted she didn't want us to hire any older, sicker people, and OF COURSE I had to be the asshole to note that if you went with young and healthy on the hiring front, the risk was higher that they might breed. Just sayin'.