So, I am in my TWW, or really 10 day wait because this was a transfer of a 5 day blast, and trust me, I will be peeing on a stick in about 7 days so that I don't need a grim nurse to tell me I have to go through this bullshit all over again.
While this is my first IVF, I think I can say I've bounced into this drill pretty quickly. And I'm ready to jump into it again if need be. But let me make a list as to why I am the worst person in the world to seek TTC advice from:
1. I am incredibly negative - Noooo, really? Actually, I don't think it's negativity, it's pragmatism. Look, there's a 65-ish percent chance that this first FET will work. That leaves a whole lotta room for error. I think anyone with a background like mine who goes into their FET assuming they will be pregnant two weeks-ish later needs their head examined.
(Do you see why I am not cut out to be a fertility life coach?)
2. I do all of the things during the TWW that ladies on the interwebs freak out about. Sushi? Fuck, I had a salmon and avocado roll yesterday. It was DELICIOUS. Coffee? Are you fucking kidding me?
Look, I have been pregnant five million times, and none of these things killed my babies. I think if you can't get pregnant and you look to cut caffeine, that seems like a reasonable reaction. But I am already on a ridiculously restricted diet per my nutritionist - about 1200-1300 calories a day. It's been three months and I've lost a whopping 5 pounds. Why? Because I'm small, and already fit, and losing ten pounds is a fucking slog.... but I digress.
3. My stress relief doesn't look like your stress relief. My readers know, I have the loveliest acupuncturist in creation. She needled me and held my hand through about 4 of my pregnancy losses. But you may have noticed, I haven't discussed her recently...
When I made the decision to move towards DE, I also made the decision to start "fresh" (as if that's possible for a 42 year old recurrent miscarrier). But I really looked at what I could realistically do to keep myself sane, given my loaded work schedule, Nibblet's loaded extracurricular schedule, and the fact that I am cycling out of state.
Something had to go, and it was acupuncture. Getting appointments used to be a stressful experience. Lying on the table was also a stressful experience later on, after my TFMR.... it wasn't my acupuncturist's fault, she would tell me to visualize a pregnancy, and unfortunately, I would visualize the day my world collapsed and my daughter was diagnosed with an omphalocele spanning the entire length of her torso. So that wasn't working for me.
What does work for me? Dancing. Zumba. Hiking. Romance Novels.
Now, I'm not going to be an asshole about this. The doctors told me to quit the zumba and the ballet, so I will quit the zumba and the ballet. I will walk the Nibble to school every day. I've downloaded more trashy novels on to my reader.
The Viking's reaction to all of this has been sort of comical. I was painting my nails in bed last night, and he says, "Should you be doing that? Is it safe?" (Deep breath justonemore). "Yes, it's safe. Plenty of manicurists and hairstylists get pregnant. I am not drinking Sally Hanson Fast Dry nailpolish. The embryo should be quite fine."
On the other hand, a quick google of "is nailpolish safe during the TWW" will get hundreds of hits. Many of them, posts by women who seem to be quite sure that the "toxins" of the nailpolish are bad for a developing baby. Never mind that the embryo in my uterus is a cluster of cells about the size of a grain of sand. Maybe smaller, I can't remember.
Do you know what the doctor who performed my transfer said? Well, aside from telling me to not exercise heavily, she said THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO. WHAT I DO WILL NOT AFFECT THIS OUTCOME. IT WILL EITHER WORK (YAY!) OR NOT WORK (BOOOO!).
And if it doesn't work, we have three embryos left. And the second FET has an 85% chance of working. See.....I am focusing on the positive.