TRIGGERS

I have talked forever about social media.  How it's the devil.  How it's insanely triggering.  How it just leaves me in a puddle of sick and sadness. 

Never so much so as during this election.

I can't even begin to put into words how awful this election is, and how that third debate and the conversation around late term abortions has rendered me incapacitated.  I just can't talk about it.

I am triggered when well-meaning friends post supportive articles and messages on choice and the heartbreaking choice.

I am triggered when friends and acquaintances post diatribes and general shit-show memes and articles about how women like me are murderers.

I am triggered when I read any of the comments.  On anything.  Despite breaking the one Prime Directive to NEVER READ THE COMMENTS.

I am going to take a ballet class tonight to not think about any of this.  I am supposed to knock on doors tomorrow for a candidate in a swing county in a swing state and not think about any of this (it's part of my job).  I actually talk about politics and social issues for a living.  I am quite good at it.  I'm good in front of a podium, I'm good a conference table, I'm handy with a power point, and I am good one on one.

But right now, I am mute.

There's a lot of talk on my online support group boards about how now more than ever we need to be open and vocal about our stories.  Well, I'm two years out out from my heartbreaking choice, and only a few weeks out from my latest miscarriage.

I am mute.