I am fairly certain I am about to start ovulating. My body blares it loud and clear without needing OPKs. If I count Day 1 of my miscarriage as Day 1 of my cycle I would be on CD 12 today - and I generally ovulate on CD 13 or 14. Now comes the conflicted feelings. Do I use protection this week? Do we wait the one natural cycle for my lining to build up? Or do I say fuck it, I'm out of town for a good portion of next month and will be away from Husband when I need him, so what the hell. There are stories of women giving birth to healthy babies conceived immediately after miscarriage, but there are also stories of additional losses due to implantation problems... you just can't win. The next egg could be the one healthy one I have or another doomed shot.
All of this insecurity is heightened by not having a plan. Dr. Cuddles is pretty convinced my next step is IVF with PGD. While this may be true, it is an unattainable goal for us financially. Personally, I would love to try a few cycles of timed intercourse with femara or injectables. Or at least use up the clomid pack I have on my dresser. And I know in my heart I have to start the search for another RE who will be willing to work with me (they are supposed to work with you after all).
One good thing is that I have gone full throttle on my new fertility diet. I am slamming almonds and sunflower seeds like they're nobody's business. I am starting each day with a smoothie that includes almond milk, blueberries, flaxseed and kale. I've lost two pounds and it's not even been a full week of this.
TLC is on the agenda this weekend. In addition to teaching a zumba class and spring cleaning my house this weekend, I plan to re-read a few of my comfort books on RPL and infertility. These include:
Inconceivable, by Julia Indichova