Dreams. Ick.

I tend to have vivid, violent dreams in early early pregnancy.  Like, featuring zombies, and dead people on buses, and other things that cause me to wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.

I am fairly certain I won't be pregnant this month because my dreams, well, they're just weird and whacked out. Two nights ago I was hooking up with a man who was not my husband (if you're reading this honeybear*, I promise I was grossed out). 

Last night I dreamed that I was visiting my original OB for a new pregnancy.  The one who delivered Niblet (or partially delivered Niblet, because labor was taking too long and her shift ended.  Don't ask).  The same woman who oversaw my partial molar pregnancy and performed the D&C that sealed my cervix shut and then refused to believe that I could have Asherman's.  (Thanks Dr. J!)

In the dream, I was begging to get in for monitoring because of my miscarriage history, but then the scene changed and I was at the hospital lobby where I delivered Niblet, but it was hosting some sort of flea-market/bazaar, and I lost my purse there with all of my belongings and starting crying, bawling.  And I tried to explain to a women at a cash register that I was having a miscarriage and needed my purse because it had my ID and credit card and insurance cards, and she laughed at me, and then I pointed to my hand and showed her my rings and she laughed at me some more and with a huge grin told me that I should stop getting pregnant because all of my babies die.

Aaaaaand SCENE.

 So, Dr Freud, what the hell is my subconscious telling me?

I am thinking that if I ever get knocked up again I should avoid my old OB's office like the plague.  And this was something weighing on my mind recently, because a few friends are newly pregnant and I have had a passing thought or two of "where the hell would I go if I were knocked up?"

And then of course the usual "why do I even imagine myself pregnant when the outcome is sure to be the same?" cracks into my subconscious as well.

While this dream was awful and nerve-wracking, it doesn't fall into the pattern of dreams that I usually have when I am carrying a fertilized egg.

* = not an actual term of endearment used with my husband