I'll tell ya. I would feel so much better about this pregnancy if I were throwing up.
Yup, you read that right. I get the slightest wave of maybe sorta kinda nausea, and then it's gone and then I am bracing myself for another miscarriage.
My two successful pregnancies (and I count Celine among the successes with Niblet, because she was genetically healthy) I was pretty fucking sick. I feel like I should be sick right now if this were going well.
I would sleep much better at night if I was feeling wretched. And this tidbit of fucked-up-edness is exactly why pregnancy is so traumatic for me.
Just so you know, my acupuncturist worked valiantly to ease this worry. My "pregnancy pulse" she said, sent "shivers down her spine" because it was so strong. Perhaps, she mused, I am carrying a boy.
I miss the days when I was normal. When I could get two lines on a stick, then get doubling betas, and start to believe that maybe, just maybe, it would all progress with me developing a giant belly and ultimately holding a baby in my arms. But I'm not normal and nothing in my history will allow me to fool myself into thinking I am.
So I wait.
I definitely know where you're coming from with this. And I remember my daughter saying the same thing at the 6 week mark. She was so sure it would be another miscarriage since she did not feel sick or tired or anything. It took about 2 or 3 more weeks, and then it all hit her ... Nausea, fatigue, etc. I know it's different for every woman and every pregnancy. Just saying please don't feel too discouraged because you aren't sick right now. And maybe you will be lucky and never get very sick at all. Sending positive thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Kathi, I am seriously going to re-read this comment every hour for the next four days.
DeleteI hear you so much on this. I thought the same thing with my (successful) pregnancy- then the nausea started and I REALLY regretted that wish! Hope you’ll feel the same way eventually.
ReplyDeleteThank you as well for commenting! This one's a re-reader too!
DeleteI with you the best of luck. Many people comment on different successful pregnancies having different symptoms (I've only had one succesful one but that's what I've heard). I hope everything goes well this time!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the well wishes! I hear about these people... I will take your word for it that they are real!
DeleteI thought I'd chime in here, having had two healthy children, one tfmr, three miscarriages - and six quite different pregnancies! In my own experience, presence or absence of sickness didn't mean all that much! My first child (healthy boy) I was quite sick with morning sickness from about weeks 7-14. My second pregnancy (healthy girl), I had no sickness at all. With my pregnancy resulting in tfmr, I had the worst morning sickness of all my pregnancies from 5-16 weeks. With my 3 miscarriages, 2 I had no sickness, the last with 'textbook' morning sickness. I guess in my personal experience, the only thing that can indicate you are pregnant with a healthy baby, is an ultrasound, nipt, amnio, etc. I'm not sure if this helps at all - but just wanted to say also, that no sickness doesn't mean an unsuccessful pregnancy - my 3 year old is evidence of that! In the meantime, try and stay positive and hopeful for the future, and be in the moment as much as you can. Hugs to you, wishing all the very best.
ReplyDeleteAs I wait for my u/s tomorrow, I plan to read this comment thread at least ten more times. Thank you Zoe!
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