Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Glass half full

So, I am spotting.  And a little crampy.  Long-time readers will recall I discussed a similar circumstance way back here in the summer of 2014.

You can't go through life constantly knocked up, without delivering a live baby, without preparing for this possibility that your next pregnancy will end.  If I am having a chemical pregnancy there's no question that it will be a huge bummer.  It will be my 5th (possibly 6th) consecutive loss.

But all is not hopeless if this is a chemical pregnancy.  For one thing, it means that my body may actually be working better than it has in years.  Sure, an early loss stings.  A loss at 8 weeks sucks.  A loss at 12 weeks that your body for some reason hasn't recognized is pain.  A loss in the second trimester is a level of hell that could have been written by Dante.

A chemical pregnancy also means that technically speaking, I am still fertile.  Our parts work.  Something got fertilized.  Maybe I don't need to rush to Boston for a hysteroscopy, which I assure you is nothing like a pleasant day of medical tourism.  Flying in to Logan, rushing to the hospital, having a scope rammed through your cervix and perhaps the joy of -- eeek -- microscissors cutting away scar tissue, and then rushing your crampy-assed self back to Logan is so far removed from a nice jaunt at Faneuil Hall. 

And finally, a chemical pregnancy could also mean that I could be more fertile next cycle.  Maybe I get another chance.


  1. I know spotting is always scary, but implantation causes it as well as cramps. Hang in there! I have everything crossed for you. You have a healthy daughter as proof that you can do this! *hugs*
    I can only imagine what pain you have felt losing your baby girl on reaching your second trimester.:(
    My 5th loss (we lost the heartbeat at my graduating 8 week appt) was more emotionally painful for me than my 1st missed miscarriage @10 weeks. Seeing the heartbeat 2 weeks in a row, the whole ivf process and injections. Being told the embryo was grade 5AA and my lining a perfect 9.5. Physically, well I passed a kidney stone in 2009 and that pain did not even compare to the horrific pain of my 1st mmc at home.

  2. Very hopeful for you that it is not a chemical but, if it is, I think it's great and inspiring that you are focusing on the positives. My latest miscarriage (missed miscarriage) was at 8 weeks and was due to a chromosomal abnormality, and as horrible as it was to find that out, I was so thankful that I didn't have to again contemplate TFMR in the second trimester! I would never have imagined that I could feel positive regarding such a thing 7 years ago when pregnant with my first! Hang in there, fingers crossed for you.