In attempt to grasp at some normalcy in my life, I jumped on facebook today and started scrolling down. Whoa. That was pointless. I paused at a "debate" over the safety of flu vaccine posted by a high school friend. Then there were the ebola scare stories. I noted the mundane posts you expect of the moms. One taking her daughter to the Dunkin Donuts. Another laughing at her toddler boys' antics.
This was me once. Posting the occasional adorable picture of Niblet. Maybe getting on a soapbox about protecting social security, or low wage workers.
I am beginning to believe that the remainder of my life might be viewed through a new prism: before the 12 week scan of pregnancy # 5, and after. The recurrent pregnancy loss that has shaped me and hurt me and supposedly made me stronger wasn't a seismic "event" but a series of small tragedies that weighed down on my very being. This is different. Maybe this is what a car wreck feels like. With a clear before and after.
I am also spotting.