Friday, August 8, 2014

And nary an emotion in sight

Today I am 13 DPO.  My period is supposed to arrive tomorrow.  I will not be getting a period, at least not yet.

I am well aware that some women are only first getting faint lines now, and yet, will move on to wonderful healthy pregnancies without a care in the world.  I can imagine these women, perhaps waiving their sticks around with joy, grinning from ear to ear....

Such a sight has not been seen in my house, not in years.  (And wow, I have been in *this* place for years).  Now is not the time for waiving sticks with glee.

This is my 5th pregnancy.  

"Here's the latest," I say in a serious voice, as I show my husband, presenting the stick for his viewing.
"Yes," he says, stoic, with barely an emotion discernible on his face. "That is a pretty dark line this time."

We have been here.  We know how fleeting this can be. We live the Groundhog Day of lines on a stick. I am dutiful  in my regimen, taking prenatals, vitamin d, baby aspirin, and as of today - because why the hell not - progesterone pills.  I found them in the medicine cabinet from Pregnancy # 3 (or Miscarriage #2).  If this little cluster of cells fails to thrive, I will not be left with any guilt or doubts. 

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