Thursday, January 12, 2017

Speed of light

In April, I will reach the official five year point of being on a ride from hell.  Five fucking years of pregnancies and dead babies.  You know, I am cute as all fuck but I can't believe to impress upon any of you how much younger I was before I was haunted by the unimaginable haunting of dead babies.  Not to mention physically wrecked.  Do you know that I am seeing a diabetes counselor in a few weeks because my blood sugar - and weight - won't go down?  This is sort of embarrassing for a fitness instructor, but I am positive it's because of the goddamn hcg that's been coursing through my veins for too many weeks to count.  Ok, scratch that, I can count, it's up to 53 weeks now.

I just want to be a fucking normal person, who has an embryo implant in her uterus and 9-ish months later, holds a baby. With all of that said....

The donor will agree to future contact with her genetic offspring, should that offspring desire it.  So our decision is made.

(Now, I should note that in virtually every DE blog I read, something goes wrong here, and the couple is back at square one.  I have no reason to believe that anything will go right in this process, so that could be us too in two weeks.... but for now at least, we have chosen a donor).

 And here is point where everything seems to move at the speed of light. 
  • Saline sonogram?  Check.  Uterus is still shockingly normal, fibroid and polyp free.  Cervix is good too, nice and long, except for some sort of cyst like thing (that better not be hpv or cancer or any other bullshit that I am sick of).  Did I mention I have to have a follow-up Pap?  Sigh.
  • Psych Consult?  Scheduled with the Viking in about two weeks.
  • Lawyering up?  Check.  I'm about ready to sign a retainer agreement with an attorney, in order to eventually draw up a contract with the donor.
  • Local monitoring?  Check.  Found a clinic that isn't BABIES GUARANTEED (THANK YOU JESUS, SINCERELY AN AGNOSTIC JEW).
So, what remains on the list?
  • Finding an OB (getting closer)
  • The money (getting closer)
  • Going in for another trip to the clinic including: a follow-up exam, a fun porn-room excursion for the viking,  and another fun talk with a genetic counselor about how "Really, Justonemore, you just are the victim of an unusual number of lightening strikes, you have nothing to worry about."
 What's not on the list but helpful to my peace of mind?  I talked to Mom.  She is supportive.  She fundamentally gets how I ended up here and why I am choosing this path.  She's unsure about how it would all play out,  it's a brave new world after all, isn't it, but her support is making this a million times easier.

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