So it's been another month and I am going to bet a million dollars I am not pregnant again. This is the fifth cycle in a row. What's changed? When did I become infertile, or at least, less than super-fertile? Well, there's always the possibility that my eggs are really acting like 41 year old eggs, for one.
But I am also stressed out. REALLY stressed out. Much moreso than usual. Work has been insane, I haven't been able to get home until well after 8pm for the last three nights. I have been traveling all over creation for my job, trying to put out our organization's equivalent of fires. I have started taking melatonin to address the inability to fall asleep once Niblet is tucked in because when I finally crawl into bed I am exhausted, but too wired and jacked up to sleep.
So, me being me, it's time to have an action plan. Baby or not, I can't live this way:
1. Eat better. Fried foods bad. Seriously, this is tough to do when you're on the road as much as I have been, but my diet has completely fallen off the wagon.Throw in fertility foods to fool myself into thinking I am being
proactive. I am adding the wheatgrass shots back in. I'll snack on
almonds. I'll cut back on the dairy and gluten. Whatever, it can't
2. Sleep better. Melatonin good.
3. Yoga. I could always commit to breaking this out again.
4. Dance good.
I always read these anecdotes of the women who gave up their stressful careers and found themselves pregnant/found the time to accommodate IVF cycles/created new and wonderful spaces for a baby to enter their lives. Well, look, that's just not possible for me. I love what I do, I fight for poor workers and someone pays me relatively well for it. I am also very good at it. I also, like, need to pay our bills, so it's not gonna happen.
The saddest fucking part of it all is that one of the reasons I took this job was because they offered six months of maternity leave. Gah.