liberation

Lord knows I could change my tune in a year and be absolutely despondent that I didn't jump on the opportunity to do IVF....but for now, this decision to get back to living feels right to me.  It almost feels liberating.

While I will likely continue to be an emotional wreck over miscarriages and grief.... and while my OCD tendencies will likely be in full force as I continue down the road of supplementing and changing my diet to address the motherfucking gene mutation that I am absolutely convinced led to my baby's demise.... and well, there's also the whole business of religiously peeing on sticks.... I can't help but feel better about the fact that painful shots of hormones, in addition to a myriad of pokes, prods and scans are off the table (for now).

There's also another thing that makes decision easier, and it has to do with my husband.  Who, let's just say, does not want to stay wedded to his current job situation.  Its a job situation with insurance that makes IVF possible.  It's also, however, a job situation he is very unhappy in.  So I will only say this:  taking IVF off the table could have some other positive effects.

My last pregnancy, ostensibly the winner of the golden egg award - until it wasn't - was the outcome of some TLC.  Massages, yoga, dance, making my body a veritable temple to good health, all of that was on the table.  I caught a good egg once, maybe I can catch another?  Is that too much to ask?

My acupuncturist is convinced that I can.  And if I try really hard, I can almost believe that Dr. K sees it in the realm of possibility, and decidedly without drugs.

So peeps, here I am, back on square one but at least with a definite path, one that involves a fuckton of viatmins and supplements, an elimination of gluten from my diet (ugh), and being more diligent about exercise.