Pre-labor ANXIETY

So, in the days leading up to my delivery, I was a fucking wreck.  A crying panicked mess.  Going through some mild braxton-hickish labor, but honestly, convinced that the scheduled induction set for Saturday January 20 would not only fail spectacularly, but in a way that the universe would give me the finger for thinking for even a moment that a blissfully easy pregnancy would lead to a living baby in my arms.  Or at a minimum, I could experience any of the clusterfucks of labor that are described on the birth boards.  I was set off by the tiniest things.  I was snapping at everyone and then bursting into tears, and then I would hide in my room like a 9 year old.

Viking wasn't having it.  Maybe he forgot my PPD after Niblet was born, maybe he forgot the level of PTSD I've experienced because the last 30 or so weeks were a cake walk for a recurrent loss mom like myself.  I don't know.  He's a solid loving guy, but he's not the most emotionally attuned dude on the planet.  Ultimately he wasn't helpful because he was basically all, like, "why are so you fucking crazy right now?"  I don't know asshole, perhaps because pushing a baby out on a round of pitocin sounds painful and scary as fuck?

The night before our induction I pulled myself the fuck together because my parents were coming to stay to watch the Nibble and the last thing anyone needed was their worry on this front.  They are a tad, well, smothering is the best word for it. In hindsight I wouldn't be surprised if some of Viking's ill-temper was related to their coming to stay. 

Friday came.  My parents came.  I pulled it together.  Niblet went to a school performance and I tried to temper all the crazy thoughts in my head and focus on the fact that I was in good medical hands.

All of this post is a cautionary tale to say that these demons haunt us to the end.  And that it's ok.  And hormones are the devil. And most importantly, stay off the interwebs before you're going to deliver a baby, the horror stories you'll google your way towards will make you wish the stork existed.