I wonder if there will ever be a day when I'm getting an ultrasound when I don't get up on that table and expect to see a dead or very sick baby...
For now, we live to see another day. I am 8 weeks 3 days, measuring on target, with a normal heart rate.
I still feel awfully disconnected from this baby. And I mean, specifically, the baby, who is starting to sprout arm and leg buds. Not the pregnancy, I mean, there's no more *forgetting* I'm pregnant, what with the ever present nausea and narcolepsy.
Part of me wonders if this is because somewhere deep in my psyche I worry about the lack of a genetic connection to this little bean. But, another part of me recognizes that staying detached from your tenth consecutive pregnancy is a probably fairly normal response.
And now that I think of it, I used to call the Nibble "the parasite" when she was in utero. Viking HATED that by the way, even though it wasn't said with a shred of malice. Honestly, that's just how pregnancy feels to me, like this alien being is sucking your life from you. I know I'm not the only one. Well, I said it again a few days ago about this baby, and he reprimanded me again. Dude, when you carry a baby you can call it anything YOU want. I'll just be standing in a corner laughing at your inability to function at all.
Truth be told, when my one living daughter was born, I was completely numb and sort of disconnected as well. Almost a full day of labor (22 hours), a fourth-degree tear, and a fever scare had her taken from me and wheeled away from observation for at least an hour. The hormone crash and PPD that ensued wasn't pretty. I recall a very specific day, when she was about 10 weeks old, that I truly felt in my bones the love I had for her.
Anyways, in other news, I had vials of blood taken this morning, including a really early glucose tolerance test. God, I hope I pass, if only because the only thing I could choke down yesterday was a giant vanilla milkshake.