movement

Well, insurance will pay for a good deal of DE IVF.  Like, virtually everything except the cost of the eggs themselves and PGS.

We are moving forward.

I've been hedging and hemming and unable to figure out how to proceed.  The first closed door made me want to chuck it all and curl under a rock. We found a donor we liked, a proven donor who was artistic and actually resembled me, and I was then advised her eggs wouldn't do well in a frozen cycle (a necessary given my inability to move forward without PGS).  There are one or two in this clinic's base that could maybe sorta work, but no one is jumping out at us the way our initial choice did.  We have to choose wisely, because we can only afford 6 eggs.  Our roof is leaking, it is raining in our house, and a chunk of the remainder of our home equity to fund this insanity actually has to be used on our actual home.  So in a perfect world we'll have two shots at this game.

But I am lining my ducks in a row.  I am currently working overtime to figure out how to schedule the necessary pre-game work asap.  Another exam, a mandatory counseling session that includes the Viking, eventually figuring out a mock cycle timeline on cycle days 5-10. I'm trying to find a local clinic that isn't Babies Guaranteed who will do my monitoring for me, but gearing up for accepting I will likely be hauling up I-95, 90 minutes in one direction., because little ever goes my way.

I also learned late friday, that my job is about to get crazy (when doesn't it?).  We're off the heels of this election (cough *shitshow* cough) and my small, intrepid team of researchers are awaiting some crazy, likely time-consuming work assignments that are outside our usual roles and responsibilities. This could lead to 50 hour workweeks for me. Sounds fun, right?

The point of all of this is that THERE IS NEVER A GOOD TIME to launch an IVF cycle, let alone a donor cycle. But check it out, the unpredictability of my work schedule actually takes some of the pressure off of my decision making, which is nice in a way, kind of a comfort. Justonemore, you  can't decide between fresh or frozen eggs?  No worries, there's no way in hell you can sync a fresh cycle with your cluster-fuck of a job, who are you kidding?

Does the 2% difference in success rates concern me?  A little, sure.  Does the risk of failure?  Sure.  There's about an 80% chance that this could work after two cycles, again with perfect conditions otherwise.  The 20% chance that we could just be broke and baby-less looms large.

But I have decided that I can't live the rest of my life with the regrets of the what ifs.

We have to try.