Viking and I asked - begged really - the tech to go beyond the cervical scan that was ordered by the doctor.
Me: "I understand you are not able to provide me with a detailed anatomy scan, and I know I am scheduled for one in three weeks. I totally get that things are way too small to clearly see any potential abnormalities. But can't we just quickly see whether things look normal for 16 weeks?"
V: "You see," he started, "we're going on vacation next week. It would make such a difference to go to the beach with a little less worry."
T: "What are you worried about, exactly?"
"Well, I've had eight consecutive losses. One was to a severe abdominal wall defect."
"No, a Giant Omphalocele. And I am just concerned about Neural tube defects, spina bfida. I have a folate deficiency, even though I take lots of extra supplements."
The tech's face softened with understanding and she relented. We saw our baby, and unless it's testes were being pushed in by the umbilical cord (there's like, a 2% margin of error), there was a decided lack of boy parts.
She looked healthy, her spine looked normal, her abdominal wall looked normal and her brain looked normal. Her heartbeat was a normal 160bpm. At once she pumped her fist into the air, my punk rock baby who wants to fight the power. If she makes it, I bet she won't listen to me any better than the Niblet does.
And then to my cervix, which they wanted to see above 2cm - I was measuring 4.
"I can still be active at the beach!" I exclaimed.
"She's probably gonna do cartwheels on the beach now," the Viking said smiling to the tech, "no really, she's a dancer."
Later I called my mom:
Wow. I can't even process this. We haven't had good news for so long. Years. I don't recognize what it feels like. Your dad still seems to think you're too early to get excited, but I was telling him "NO, I'm pretty sure she's passed the parts where she lost the others." He doesn't know what he's talking about. Right now I'm just going to be happy and live in this moment and love the fact that we have good news.
We are still waiting on telling Niblet. I am waiting for my AFP test results (which test for risk factors for Neural Tube Defects) to come back, early next week. I am on the cusp of showing. My Mom, who is incredibly superstitious, wants me to wait until after the Anatomy Scan (in three weeks). I am skeptical that I won't already pop by then. And part of me longs to tell her, but I also want to protect her. Viking is following my lead, he hasn't told his parents yet.
We just don't know.