the circle of life continues

I've been in a weird sort of stasis the past few weeks, with little to say, it seems.  It seems indulgent to just talk about my plans for increased fitness and exercise this summer.

Women from my virtual life that I am quite close to have lost recent pregnancies. Devastating to them, and frankly, to me, who is always rooting for someone to experience the miracle that I am not being afforded. Meanwhile, others who I get to see up close and personal in my office are happily pregnant, with nary a passing thought to all that can go wrong.  On an equally happy front, an old friend of mine from law school who is at least three years older than me just gave birth to twin daughters.  That was a truly happy facebook sight. The circle of life continues.

I overheard my best friend at work  - the one who once drove me home from a D&C, and now the mom to a ridonkulously cute 9 month old - note to our co-worker, while I was sitting on her other side, that she absolutely planned on having more children.  I had to get up and "take a phone call" in order to not let her see my face. Looking down would not be enough to hide my likely angst (I have a terrible poker face).

In other news, I posted this article on my facebook page.  It got a couple of likes and well-deserved angry-face emojis, but perhaps the general public just can't bear to think about this, and as a result, I am fairly sure that few of my hundreds of facebook friends actually even clicked on it.  One woman who I know lost her baby to a prolapsed cord at 5 months did actually comment, noting that this "was a hell" she couldn't imagine enduring.  That says a lot.  I didn't have the guts to note that TFMR is a special kind of hell.  I almost wrote those words "Termination for medical reasons is a special kind of hell".... but ended up changing my response to "What you had to endure was heartbreaking, and I am sorry that your son is not with you."  For some reason, as political as I want to be about the horrors of not being able to access medical care when your pregnancy goes horribly wrong, I just can't out myself.  Maybe I just don't have the energy.  Maybe one day.....

In the meantime, if anyone feels inclined, this is a fund to donate to help women who need to procure a safe and legal abortion, but who - as a result of the Christian Sharia laws in our country - are unfortunately well and truly fucked:  https://fundabortionnow.org/learn/tiller