My Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

 

Let's see, I awoke on the 15th in another City and State, because I was attending a staff conference in NY.

What I thought the day might hold:
 - Quiet introspection in my hotel room about my babies - so many babies - especially Celine.  Maybe I would grab a cup of coffee and sit and watch people go by, before my 9:30 meeting.

How my day unfolded:
 - At 8am I was brushing my teeth and one of my stacking rings fell down the hotel bathroom drain.  I frantically called the concierge, ugly crying, bawling.  Ten minutes later I opened the door to a Dominican maintenance dude who was out of his emotional depth and definitely not prepared to see such a hot sad blubbering mess wailing about a lost ring and dead baby.  Thankfully he took the pipe apart, cleaned the tiny band with a face towel and handed it to me.  And got a $20 bill for his efforts that he reluctantly accepted.

What I hoped the day might hold:
 - Maybe I would feel some signs of pregnancy.  Some sign of hope for something to rise from the ashes of this deep deep despair.

How the day actually unfolded:
 - Despite my best efforts, I symptom spotted all day. Not a twinge of a feeling.  Tested BFN last night (and again this morning).  I am anywhere from 9 to 12 dpo?  Either way, my fantasy of waking up tomorrow, on the anniversary of Celine's termination, with a new pregnancy is pretty much relegated to fantasy.