LET THE TRIGGERING BEGIN!
I made the decision to terminate my pregnancy with Celine just shy of 5 years ago. The more I read about babies who either didn't survive or suffer with her condition, the more I settle into the decision. I'll never truly feel settled mind you, but I know deep deep in my soul that her gray diagnosis was going to be a potential death sentence for her at birth if she survived. That should I deliver her she would suffer for the likely short duration of her life.
But I think time not only served to heal me a bit, but time as allowed me the ability to settle into this experience being a fact of my life that I cannot separate out or wall off. I am one of the women who has been in this situation and I am one of the women who is now in a place to speak about it publicly.
I dipped my toes into this on social media a bit. And I survived. I know there are realistically plenty of people who believe I murdered my baby, though I'm appreciative that they haven't yet said this to my face. And if they ever do, I will survive those stings and arrows.
I also know that Samantha, the literal ray of light in our family is the very specific baby the universe decided I should mother.
To experience her personality is to experience the closest thing you will ever match to liquid sunshine. Her sister is intense, introspective, fiery at times.
Anyone who has ever met or had the pleasure to hold Samantha knows that she is in fact a marshmallow wrapped in a rainbow dappled with magic, all bound together in the softest, peach fuzziest human skin. The love that she bestows upon ever living creature she meets, well, you have to experience it first hand to believe it. Her hugs and snuggles and warmth is jaw-dropping.
This is why I now speak my truth to the world:
Through the miracles allowable in reproductive science I was given the opportunity to bring a second extraordinary human into the world. As I was for her sister Celine before her, I am her fiercest protector. I understand the gift of life, the true blessing of children, better than anyone can imagine.
